I know you won't be surprised to hear that I don't make my bed.

It's a habit I started back in my middle school days when I had a bunk bed that was in the corner of my room.  Trying to make that thing is pure evil.  That same exact bed is now in my daughters room.  In the corner.  Still just as hard to make.  Have you ever tried to tuck in a sheet while sitting on it?  Evil.

I have heard all the arguments about why making the bed is some sort of "necessity" but I don't buy them.

The "it just looks nicer and that makes me happy/inspires me/motivates me to clean/etc" argument.  Do what works for you but for me it really doesn't make a difference.

See, we have this fancy device on our bedroom called a door.  Once shut, the room disappears like magic.

I get up in the morning, leave my room and shut the door.  I usually don't go back in there much during the day unless it's to put away laundry (or let's be honest, dump it on the bed to put away later only because I can't climb into bed at night until all those clothes are put away.)  I just don't hang out in my room very much during the day.

I also don't show it off to company.  Hey, wanna come hang out in my bedroom?  That's something I haven't said in many years.  Because that would be weird.

Some people prefer to climb into a made bed each night but I am honestly not one of them.  It's one of the things that drives me crazy at hotels.  Those tucked in sheets that don't quite pull up far enough.  And they might as well be glued in there for all the good pulling and tugging and yanking will do.  Annoying.

Why would I want to replicate that in my own home?

I know what you are probably all thinking.  You know that if you don't at least sort of make the bed then that flat sheet gets all twisted and tangled.  It gets untucked and pulls up off your feet.  It gets scrunched up down at the bottom of the bed where you can't reach it.

My solution?

Ditch the flat sheet.

Pajama clad Photobomber

 And that picture is as good as it gets.  BTW, as you can see, we have decided to store the shop vac in the bathroom on top of the hole.  Easy access and it "hides the hole" or at least that is what we are telling ourselves.

There are certain household tasks that I consider utterly unnecessary.

For example, ironing.  Really.  Clothing gets wrinkled so we iron the wrinkles out.  Then we wear the clothing and it gets wrinkled.  Then we wash the clothing and it gets more wrinkled.  So we spend extra time and effort to iron the wrinkles out and repeat the cycle.

I really want to know who decided at some point in time that wrinkles were undesirable.

What did the wrinkle ever do to you?

Is it really hurting anyone?

No.  I thought not.

You know what has hurt someone?  An iron.  That's right.

People have this aversion to wrinkles drilled into them.

If everyone stopped ironing their clothes then no one would even notice the wrinkles anymore.  No one.

Also, that's what the dryer is for.  And did you know they now make wrinkle free clothing?  That's right.  Problem solved.

Dusting.

Dust settles on stuff so you swish it off.  It all flies up in the air, swirls around a bit, and settles right back down on the thing you just dusted off.  Big fat waste of time.

Vacuuming.  I mean how bad would it be if I just stopped vacuuming?

Remember me telling you that I needed to clean my house and put my Christmas tree up?

And I showed everyone how super messy it was.

It was super messy.

Well, I got it reasonably cleanish.  And I found a place for the tree.

Remember "Once Upon a Time" when I used to write funny posts?

Right.  Neither do I.

You are probably hoping I am about to write a funny post.  Sorry.

Instead it's going to be another one of my boring "my house is a mess and I don't want to clean it" posts.

Because that's what I do when I am looking for something to do other than the things I am supposed to do.

Today I bring you a list of 7 things I need to do today.  Exciting right?  You are totally on the edge of your seats.

1.  Clean the house.

Big surprise there.

Tomorrow is December 1st.  And I am under the deluded fantasy that I will somehow clear out an area big enough to put a Christmas tree up.

This is the corner we put the tree in every year.
But now I have a desk.  And a sewing machine table.  In that corner.  Yup, they're there.  Under all the clutter.

--- 1 ---

Yesterday I did housework.

I know!

Not sure what is wrong with me. I would claim to be nesting but I don't think that happens until the third trimester. Can't really say for sure because even pregnancy has never prompted me to clean like a crazy woman. So, maybe it's a virus? Like some kind of clean freak parasite taking over my body?

I actually unloaded 
and
 reloaded the dishwasher. Washed the Crockpot. Got dinner in and cooking with plenty of time to spare. All before 10am! Dinner finished cooking at exactly 5pm on the dot.

Which is exactly when my husband declared it was time to take the kids swimming in the still too cold pool. So, we kept dinner on warm and I watched my crazy shivering family splash around for an hour. They had a blast!

This morning I realized that somehow, during the course of the day yesterday, half the dining room table was mysteriously cleaned off. I have no memory of these events. This leads me to conclude that the parasite theory is indeed valid.

--- 2 ---

You will be happy to know that today I am fully recovered and back to my usual housecleaning avoidance at all costs ways.  

Though I really do need to do a load of laundry. We have a busy weekend ahead of us full of going places that require suitable attire and not superhero feety pajamas.  

Where can I find that parasite?

--- 3 ---

See this rocking chair?

It was mine when I was a wee one. Then my 
naive
 generous parents thought they would give it to my children so they could enjoy it and someday pass it down to their own children.  

Unfortunately, I was a much better behaved child than my own children are. I chalk that up to the good parenting I received.  

My kids?  

Might as well have been raised in a barn.  

They have yet to grasp the concept of 
sitting
 in chairs. Rather, they seem to believe that all furniture was created to be their own personal jungle gym. Every day I hear the creak of my favorite little rocker, threatening to give out and crumble into sawdust. I turn to see my son standing in it while attempting to rock hard enough to launch into orbit. I begin to have convulsions.  

It also doesn't help that the chair has become the favorite item to use in a "friendly" game of tug of war. See, now both kids love the chair. Even though they have several other child sized chairs and adult sized couch, loveseat, recliner at their disposal, only the rocker will do.  

Finally a compromise is reached.  

Last year I told you how much I hate doing dishes.

This year I am going to let you in on a shocking secret.

I love doing laundry!

Laundry

I know!  I know!  I don't deserve to call myself Non-Domestic.

But hear me out.

I started doing my own laundry when I was about ten years old.  Not because I was forced or even encouraged to.  I'm sure my mom made the casual comment, "Why don't you do your own laundry."  In response to some complaint of mine that this shirt wasn't clean or that skirt or whatever.  I doubt she actually expected me to take her seriously.  But I did.

And so it began.

I soon discovered the joy of laundry.

Maybe it's a bit strange but I used to love standing in the laundry room and listening to the sound of the washing machine.  It was always so soothing.  It was quiet.  I had peace and solitude in that room.  In the spring birds would lay eggs in the laundry room vent so the sound of baby chicks would mix with the swoosh of the washer and the smell of clean.

Heaven!!

Now in case you are getting too freaked out by my confession, I'll let you know the entire truth.  Yes, I love to wash the laundry.

However...

If you guys are anything like me you flipped your calendar over to April and were greeted with quite a shocking realization.

One of the biggest holidays of the year is less than a week away?!  How could I be caught so unprepared?

Never fear!  It's under control.  Jenn and I are here to help you celebrate.

We had so much fun last year, we decided to do it again!

That's right.  It's almost time for the second annual...

Here are a few writing prompts.  Get creative!

-How are you celebrating No Housework Day?

-What do you do instead of housework?

-Tell us about that time you tried to clean something and it backfired on you.

-How did you become a Domestic Goddess / Domestically challenged

-Share your housekeeping/organizing tips and tricks

-Confess your mess…be brave and show us pictures of your messy house

-Tell us your most/least favorite chore

-Why you hate/love housework

-How to you make housework fun (or at least bearable)

-Do your kids help with the housework?

For the Domestically Challenged

Do you hate housework, are you no good at it, or are there simply just not enough hours in the day to do it all?  You’re not alone.  All over the country non-domestics just like you are sweeping the cobwebs aside (figuratively…we don’t sweep for real, silly!), stepping out into the world and declaring, “I hate housework!”.  We’re walking right past our piles of organized chaos and confessing to the world, "I am Non-Domestic" and “I have better things to do than dishes.” Join us on Saturday to link up any of your domestically challenged blog posts.  Show us what you do instead of housework, how you plan on celebrating No Housework Day, or tell us about that time you tried to clean something and it backfired on you.

For the Domestic Goddesses

If you’re reading this while wiping your computer screen with a special cloth…you probably need to declare a holiday more than any of us (put the cloth down and back away, you weirdo!).  Can’t take off a day of cleaning?  You might feel like you don’t belong here, but you couldn't be more wrong, my friend!  You are welcome to link up any of your housework posts…make us feel guilty and show us your tips, tricks, and lovely organized closets.  We’ll call you a show off and give you a ;) winky to your face and then we’ll probably talk about you behind your back…but seriously, you’re totally welcome to link up!

Start planning how you’re going to celebrate No Housework Day (or if you’re a non-domestic...procrastinate and try to come up with something at the last minute ;) ) and then meet back here at Non-Domestic Mama or at Coolest Family on the Block on Saturday to party! 

It was Thursday.

My mom-in-law was coming out on Saturday to celebrate her birthday.

This gave me two full days to paint the homeschool room and clean up the mess.

Thursday to paint.

Friday to clean.

Fool proof plan.

So, I pulled all the furniture away from the walls, pulled out my painting supplies and got started.

 I started with primer.
 Giving the walls a nice, consistent, even coat.
 With several breaks to kiss owies, serve emergency (I'm starving) snacks, and take the princess to the potty.
 As you can see, I consider it of utmost importance, to keep the primer coat from looking sp lo tc hy .

 At this point, I received a call from my husband, informing me he was on his way home from work.

5:00 already!?

That's ok.  I have all evening to finish painting and then all day tomorrow to clean up.

Him:  "Did you take the trash out this morning?"  (I had forgotten to take the trash out on Tuesday)

Me:  "No, today isn't trash day."

Him:  "You're kidding right?  Today is trash day."

Me:  (laughing to myself and speaking in an ever so slightly condescending voice) "No, honey.  Trash day is Friday not Thursday.  Sometimes I get confused too."

Him:  "What day do you think it is?"

Me:  "It's Thursday."

Him:  "It's Friday."

Me:  "No, it can't be Friday because you didn't do your podcast last night."

Him:  "It was cancelled this week.  Today is Friday."

Me:  "Please tell me you are kidding!"

Him:  "Nope."

I then turned around and took one look at my house.

My house was looking better and better so I decided I needed to keep the ball rolling and take the Christmas decorations down.

First of all, I'm going to make it very clear that I am a messy person by nature.  My husband is a messy person by nature.  We are both pack-rats.  I can't organize to save my life.

It's important that you understand this so the following doesn't come off as some kind of excuse.  I'm not trying to say any of this is actually responsible for my messy house.  Only that when you combine two messy people who collect and treasure clutter and then add other challenges to that mix, well, you end up with my house.

And when I say other challenges I think we all know who I am talking about.

Yep.  I'm pointing at you Pipe Gremlins.

But I am not going to cower in fear any more.

It's time to take a stand.

For the time being, the water is staying where it belongs, you know, in the pipes.  That is, aside from the bathtub leak.  But we have fixed that problem by not using that bathtub.

Ha!  Take that Gremlins!

The furniture is staying where it belongs along with clutter keeping to it's designated spaces.

So, I have decided to reclaim my house.

A long long time ago, before the first attack, I had plans.  I had ideas.  Things were happening.  I was painting trim and horrible brown posts.  I was arranging furniture in certain ways.  I was getting creative with what I had.  Heck, I was even scrapbooking!

Then came the Gremlins.  There's just something about having all your living room furniture stuffed into your dining room that suddenly takes the focus off the little bit of trim that didn't get finished.  You know, when you were interrupted by your son making a mad rush to the bathroom, only to return and find the curtains had been painted by your daughter.

Somehow that just fell to the background.

And let's be honest.  I gave up.  I just didn't care anymore.  Really, what was the point of finishing the trim?  Nobody would ever notice anyway because no one would ever be invited over to a house they could barely walk through.  Even if they did there were plenty of distractions.  "Why is your daughter's dresser in your dining room?" would probably be asked before, "Why is there a strip of green painters tape under that trim?"  And so that tape stayed there for well over a year.

Not to mention the fact that, when you have just spent thousands of dollars on fixing water leaks, that $20 curtain rod becomes a bit of a strain on your budget.

Finally I am giving up on giving up.  I've had enough of living my life according to the rule of the Pipe Gremlins.  Which pretty much says, "If you attempt to improve your home in any way, we will create another disaster to derail you."

I'm taking the risk.  Tempting fate.  Risking the wrath of the Pipe Gremlins.

I should be doing the dishes.  They have piled up again.  Instead I stare at the massive crusty pile and wish them away. But they stubbornly refuse to clean themselves.

I should be cleaning the living room.  It has been overrun with all the things that belong somewhere else but somehow creep back in when I'm not looking.  Then I turn around and am greeted with a scene from a horror movie.  I should be putting all the things back where they belong.  I should be scolding my children and making them put the things back where they belong.  But I lack the energy to follow them around pointing out each item and explaining in detail how and where it should be.  Instead I watch and listen to my children blissfully playing. Totally unaware of the chaos that surrounds them.

I should be writing a blog post.  Something insightful, or eventful, or charming, or witty.  Instead I stare at a blank screen as the words refuse to form themselves.  My head swirls with tiny snippets of thought that flee like butterflies from my net.

As you all know, (because you all religiously read my blog whenever I randomly decide to post something) I have been working diligently for the past couple of weeks days on and off yesterday (evening) to clean and organize our "homeschool room" so that we could officially start our first day of school today.

Moved the dresser out.  As you can see it made a HUGE difference...

Moved out and collapsed all the empty boxes.

As you can see THAT made a huge difference.  See?  FLOOR!!

Finally organizedish.  No, don't look over at the other side of the room!

 Today we woke up bright and early at 9ish am.  I know.  It's a miracle.  My kids actually slept in on the first day of school.  One of the perks of homeschooling.  I can consider it a good thing to sleep in on the first day of school!  So, after a nutritional well rounded breakfast of toast and cold hotdogs  (What? That's what they asked for!  It is too nutritional.  I put cream cheese on the toast so that's three whole food groups right there!) around 9:30ish am, we began.

This year my son is officially starting Preschool.  Because his birthday falls in October he is one year behind all his friends who started Kindergarten yesterday.  Now rather than sending my little guy off to school, wearing a backpack that is bigger than him, taking tons of pictures, and crying all the way home, (cause you know I would) I'm cheating and keeping him home with me.  HA!  Yes, I am homeschooling.

Now, technically I homeschooled him last year too.  We did nursery school.  But that was mostly fun stuff and I made sure never to burn him out.  So if he got tired of something or didn't want to do it that day we didn't.    He really already knew the things he was supposed to learn anyway but I didn't want to push him and make him hate the whole idea of school.  I figured I would just use that year as a sort of practice year to get him used to the idea.  Some days we worked for five or ten minutes.  Some days he wanted to "work" all day.  And some days we didn't crack a book though we usually at least watched an educational video and read a book.  And whenever he sat down with a book to practice drawing his letters or numbers or puzzles or whatnot my daughter would sit down with him and draw or color.  Most days he would ask to "do school" so I consider the year a success.

This year is "for real."  Not that I plan on pushing him to the point of hating or disliking school.  The curriculum only calls for about 45 minutes a day 4 days a week.  I will probably add some fun supplemental stuff too.  If something is not clicking with him we will find another way of doing it or revisit it when he is ready.  I have already had him look through his preschool reading curriculum and it looks like he is actually ready for the kindergarten so I think we will just breeze through that and move on.

We will officially start the day after Labor Day because I have this firm belief that school shouldn't start until September.  Maybe because school started in September when I was a child or possibly because my birthday month is August.  Regardless, I refuse to start school in August!

Of course, as I am getting "prepared" (and by getting prepared I really mean thinking about and planning on getting prepared) I have been obsessively stalking Pinterest and anything and everything that will help me organize and set up my Homeschool Room.

Something rather mysterious has been occurring in my kitchen recently.

The other day I did dishes.  I know this in and of itself is nothing short of miraculous, but this is not in fact the mysterious incident to which I am referring.

I washed a load of dishes and then returned to unload them.  I KNOW!  Still not what I am referring to.

I had just finished unloading the dishwasher and was about to start reloading (yes, I know, STILL not what I am referring to...) when I looked down and noticed a little soap packet in the soap tray.

Wait...

Didn't I wash those dishes?

Did I already put the soap in for the new load?

Has the dishwasher started automatically refilling the soap?

Could the dishwasher be broken and not opening the soap dispenser until after the wash?

Do we have a Dishwasher Pixie?

Am I losing my mind?!?!

There are just some things I am not cut out for.

Cleaning.

Cooking.

Organization.

Potty Training.

Guess what I have been doing this week??

If you guessed all of the above you get the cheesecake.  No seriously, I made cheesecake yesterday.  Like crushed up graham crackers for the crust, and used my spring foam pan, that was a wedding present, and had never even been opened.  Even though I did want it, and registered for it, and was so excited when I got it.  I just finally got around to using it.

This week I have been cooking.  Like real cooking from recipes.  With ingredients and pans.

What I have discovered?

As you probably are already aware, I an well renowned for giving life changing advice.  Readers all over the world flock to my blog seeking my wisdom.  Well, here I am again to tell you my top 6 reasons not to clean your kitchen.  You're welcome!

6. You just don't want to.  It's your kitchen after all and you should be able to decide where and how things are kept.  If you want to store a basketball hoop in the middle of the kitchen floor you should be able to do just that!  If you don't want to do dishes you shouldn't have to.


5.   You may make some rather disturbing discoveries.  Remember that box of food you packed when you moved from your apartment to your house?  It's still there in the corner of your kitchen.  Hiding behind other boxes disguising itself as extra dishes or appliances or something.  Recall the fact that you have been living in this house for over three years now.  You were just better off not knowing.


4.   You will start to experience delusions of grandeur regarding all the ways you can redo and reorganize your kitchen.  You will then start googling kitchen updates.  After several hours pinning your discoveries to your Pinterest boards, you will discover the necessity of creating a new Kitchen Board on Pinterest, to accommodate all your new pins.


3.   Someone may start to get ideas regarding your cleaning capabilities.  You wouldn't want anyone to start thinking that you might, in fact, be perfectly capable of doing the dishes on a regular basis, now would you?

2.  You might have to start cooking.  If the kitchen is clean, you will have one less excuse to avoid cooking.  Again, it could be assumed that, if you are capable of cleaning, you can certainly learn to cook. This assumption is quite mistaken.

As will inevitably occur, when one has a three day weekend, with oodles of time to do things, like blog, and read blogs, and blog some more, the internet decided to go down.  It seems it decided it deserved a vacation, just as much as the next person/artificial intelligence.  Which of course left me staring at the little blank icon at the bottom of the screen, willing it to come back on, as I futily clicked the refresh button, repeatedly.

Refresh? No.

The cable company promised to get right on it.  They would schedule us for Wednesday.  Wednesday?  It was only Sunday!  What to do for an entire 3-4 days without internet or cable?!?!?

Refresh? No.

There was only one obvious solution.  Start honing my Angry Birds skills.

Oh yeah.  I got it!  Doing my happy dance!

Remember the shelf I wanted so badly?  And the day I told you I was working on "a project" but wasn't finished yet?

Well I can't say I am entirely finished but I am going to just tell you about it anyway.  Because I know how you have all been holding your breath waiting and I just couldn't keep you in suspense any longer.

So, the shelf I wanted was a little more than I wanted to pay.  I considered getting the four tier shelf for $70, even though I really wanted the $80 five tier shelf.  So basically I just kept wishing.