Thursday, June 23, 2011

Why I Shouldn't Cook

Every time I try to cook something I end up with a disaster.  I am seriously skilled at the destruction of recipes.  Don't believe me?  Think it's just an excuse?

Check this out.

The other day I attempted to cook some chicken.  I was just going to "brown" the chicken in a pan on the stove top.  See how I used a fancy cooking term there?  You might be fooled into thinking I know what I was talking about.  That is the correct term, right?

So, I set the pan on the burner and turned it on, waiting for it to heat up.

A second later the smell of something burning wafted up to greet me.  Now you might think I would be alarmed.  No, this is expected.  I usually have dripped or splashed something on the burners.  The next time I cook the remaining crud from the previous cooking attempt usually burns right off.

I turned on the fan.

Then the smell got stronger.

And more intense.

That doesn't really smell like burnt food.

It smells more like . . .

melted plastic!

Sure enough I had turned the wrong burner on and managed to melt the bottom out of a cup and the handle of the can opener.
When I picked it up I got some of that melted plastic on my finger.  Ouch!

Melted Zoo Cup

Some of you might be confused.

Why was there a cup on the stove?

See when you have limited counter space, do dishes infrequently, don't use the stove often, or only use one burner, all that extra space is a valuable commodity.  What else would I use it for?  Clearly it is just begging to serve as dirty dish overflow/stuff I don't want to bother to put away holder.

Lesson learned.  Shouldn't cook.

Now, you might think I have learned the lesson not to put stuff on the stove.  This assumption may stem from the fact that you clearly assume this is the first time I have done something so foolish as to turn on the wrong burner and melt something to the stove.  You know what they say about assumptions?  They make an @$$ out of you and mption! ;)

No, clearly this is not the first time I have done this.  I have a melted blender in a box in the garage somewhere to prove that.  Really should get rid of that . . .

Usually I only melt things like bread wrappers.  Or, I get lucky and there is a dirty pan sitting on the other burner so I just burn the stuff inside.  A month or so soaking in the sink takes care of that problem.

Of course, with that big pot soaking in the sink I don't have much room for other dirty dishes.

I guess I'll just have to put them on the stove!