Thursday, May 19, 2011

Unfinished Projects

Um, so . . . I might have a problem.

You may have noticed that I haven't been posting a whole lot this week.  Or more likely you didn't notice until I told you just now.  I like to tell myself that the 5 billion people who secretly read my blog but don't want me to know about it so they don't make comments or show up in the stats . . . those people really miss me when I don't post.  And the 25 or so people who are actually subscribed to my blog really miss me when I don't post.  And the 5 loyal readers who like to boost my self esteem by reading everything I write and commenting with encouraging and witty things.  They REALLY miss me when I don't post.  That's what I tell myself. :)

Anyway I got off on a bit of a tangent there.  What I really came here to tell you is this.  I have several blog posts in progress.  I have about 10 that have gotten to title stage.  That is where I have written a title and saved it as a draft so that later I can fill in all the awesomeness that is right now just sitting in my brain untapped.  Such exciting titles as, "The Refrigerator Elf" or "Insert Title Here."  Ok, that second one wasn't real . . . yet . . .

I also have two fully written but not yet fine tuned posts hanging out in my drafts folder.  One is actually totally finished but I really like having an extra "post whenever" post sitting in my drafts folder in case of emergencies.  So, I don't want to post it until I have written another "in case of emergencies post" to take it's place.  Which basically defeats the purpose anyway.  Plus I am really not sure what kind of emergencies I am expecting to have, in which I would take the time to publish a post that has been hanging out waiting for such an emergency.  Really I expected to use it on a day when I didn't have another post to publish.  Which would have been several of the days this week.  But I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  Because having it there makes me feel prepared and that's a feeling I don't have very often.

The other almost finished post in my draft's folder is entitled, "When All Else Fails, Lie to the Bride."  It's about the wedding I attended two weekends ago.  I haven't published it yet because I want to scan some old photos to add to it.  I was being too lazy to get the scanner from upstairs.  Now I have the scanner and my computer has been running too slow to use it.  As each day goes by it seems a little sillier to publish a post about a wedding that happened two weeks ago . . .

I have also been working on a post this week that I had planned to publish on Monday.  When I say work on I really mean take pictures for.  See this particular post requires finishing a project I thought would take a couple of hours but became a bit more complicated than I had planned. (Complications like needing to clean . . .)

And now we get to the real truth of the matter.  I have a problem.  I like to start projects but I don't always finish them.  When I say "don't always" I really mean almost never.  Partly it comes from bad planning on my part.  There always seems to be some contingency I didn't account for.  That doesn't entirely explain why things go unfinished.  Honestly I think I have a mental block against finishing things.  I get all worked up and excited about something.  I anticipate and plot and plan.  I'm impatient and anxious to get started.  I know the outcome will be wondrous!

Then I finally start the project.  Usually that requires a herculean effort and makes some kind of huge mess.  Difficulties spring up but I surmount all obstacles.  My goal is in sight.  Just a few little things to wrap up and I can get it all finished and reveal my master plan.

Or I could do something else.  I'll just come back to this later.

Ya'll, I have even done this with video games!  I get to the last level/challenge.  So, much time and effort has been expended getting to this point.  The finish line is in sight.  Then I put it down and never go back to it.  It has lost all appeal.  Seriously.

So, I sit here staring at my unfinished project, that I really want to finish so I can blog about it (I really am excited about it) but at the same time I keep thinking . . . "What if I finish it and blog about it and no one really cares?"

Drat, are my insecurities showing again?

Now as I read over this post I am thinking, "my readers don't really care about any of these excuses.  Maybe I shouldn't publish this after all.  I could always add it to my drafts folder in case of an emergency . . ."

Really I just ne
[save as draft]