Thursday, July 5, 2012

When It Rains, It Floods

Now, before I embark on my little pity party I just want to express a few things.

First is that it is really hard for me to share at times like these.  Don't get me wrong.  I can complain with the best of them.  About all the little annoyances and inconveniences.  I don't like to clean.  I can't cook.  My kids keep making messes.  Wah!  But when something major happens?  I fold inward.  I cave.  Just hide away from the world until it all goes away.  I have a really hard time sharing the difficult times.  I feel bad calling out for everyone to feel sorry for poor little me.  Then I feel totally overwhelmed when everyone steps forward with offers of help or support.  How will I ever begin to repay them?

This time I am pushing myself out.  I know hiding away won't change anything.  I would have to say something eventually.  Unless I just quit blogging all together and I'm not really ready to do that.  It will only get harder the longer I wait.  And if I really am going to be open and honest then I need to be able to share the lows as well as the highs.

So I will start by sharing some of the highs.  That way you will know that there is some brightness in our world right now.  When I talk about my busy schedule, it's not all doctors appointments.

It's also...

"Camping out" in the living room.
Complete with S'mores!

Summer movies with friends.

Star Wars trivia night.

Dinner with friends.

Lunch with visiting family.

A trip to the Zoo.

The Princess holding her first "sprinkler" sparkler.
Watching my niece in the Forth of July Parade.

Finding a new favorite pizza place.

Watching all three Spider-man movies with the kids.

Then there are the bittersweet moments.

When the Peanut put on his pajamas last night and the pants that dragged on the floor mere days ago are suddenly an inch and a half too short.

It's finally allowing the Peanut to open that envelope and announce to us.

It's a boy!

And the lows.

The sticker shock paying the bill at the cardiologist and wondering if the first visit is that much, how much the medications and surgery will be "if it gets to that point" and hoping against all hope that it does.

Hoping for best case scenario while preparing for worst case scenario and knowing that best case scenario would have been on my worst case list a mere few weeks ago.

And last night.

Walking into the kids room to tuck them into bed and stepping in a puddle.  The Pipe Gremlins have chosen now to rear their ugly heads.